so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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