I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
