There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
