Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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