New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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