I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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