hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
It's rum buckets o'clock
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
