You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
