I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I can't put those talents on a resume
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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