Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
