So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
