so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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