i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
