Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
