My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
where does the pee come out of this thing
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
