last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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