i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
