youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
My ATM looks so different sober.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
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