No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
