I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
