Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
