the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
