i just had sex bonerless
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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