I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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