drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
