you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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