I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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