Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
