what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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