They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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