ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
