Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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