I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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