Just fell off a train. Bad.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
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