there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
