She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
