I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize