based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
This baby is an asshole
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
