i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize