apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
