I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
