Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize