Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
