its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
