theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
