and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
