hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
