dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
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