I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
