I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize