I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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