Buhtt sex?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Enjoy the penises
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
