We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
