Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(203): View more from Connecticut

I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.

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(562): View more from California

Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on

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(248): View more from Michigan

I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now

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(440): View more from Ohio

New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."

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(317): View more from Indiana

You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice

Fav 15 6072 1182
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(214): View more from Texas

I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.

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(402): View more from Nebraska

THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO

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(651): View more from Minnesota

Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.

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(870): View more from Arkansas

Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.

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