She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize