I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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