i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
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