I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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