There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
