lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
