so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
